october 20 2024

There are times in my day where I don't want to talk. Every part of me just wants to go silent untill the day I die, but how do i explain that to people? How do I tell my family that I don't want to talk, but rather write my thoughts down? I think to myself that it's not fair to them and speak even when I don't want to. When I do want to speak in the rare chance I feel like it, it's usually about subjects only I care about. Why can't life be simple?

My mom wouldn't mind if I didn't speak for a couple of hours, I miss my mom. She was the only one who could manage to figure out what I needed and didn't need. It would be nice to see her again, maybe she would hold my hand like she used to. Movies, music, writing, it all isn't the same without her.

I saw a video of Andrew Garfield on Sesame Street talking about how he deals with the grief of losing his mother and it made me feel a little less alone (here.) Grief is the product of love, and i loved my mother so much. I still do. I will forever.

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